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Subject: [MRKS] FIC: "Infinite"Date: Monday, December 27, 1999 1:00 PM
From: LaToot@aol.com
Some of you have read this before, butAudra asked me to post it here. Who am I to refuse? There isbloodletting of a kind, so if that bothers you, you might want to... go watch Dead Guy Running instead of reading this.
== Notes: This is both an AU and a DueSouth/Buffy, the Vampire Slayer cross-over. From a dream,partially, as well as an evening spent watching severalFraser/Kowalski episodes of Due South. In the universe depictedhere, the events of Hunting Season and Call of the Wild neverhappen.
Pairing: Benton Fraser/Ray Kowalski.
Disclaimers, et al.: Alliance and WarnerBrothers thinks it owns these characters. Alliance and WarnerBrothers can go right on thinking that. Rated NC-17 forboy-on-boy stuff and language. There is some blood involved inthis, not much, but you have been warned. Unbetaed, so any mistakes are mine.
Feedback is muchly wanted and will begreedily slurped at LaToot@aol.com.
Infinite
Ray decides on the simple black tee-shirt,slips it on as he glances at the clock for what must be theumpteenth time since waking from a sleep he knows lasted theentire day. He feels invigorated and thoroughly alive and isimpatient for Fraser to join him. He has something ... specialplanned for them and as far as he is concerned, Fraser's dutiesat the Consulate can't be completed soon enough.
They have been apart for two weeks, thelongest period of time they have spent away from one anothersince the day they first met. Even before becoming lovers, theyspent most of their time together. Indeed, the only genuinechange occasioned by the realization of their true feelings foreach other after the Denny Scarpa case is that a goodly portionof their off-duty time is spent making love.
Two weeks in California preparing for andparticipating in the trial of an all-purpose,multi-jurisdictional serial killer has left Ray *hungry* forFraser. He is also nervous and worried about how Fraser willreceive his news. Ray thinks of it as a gift, but is not certainFraser will see it that way, and the plan he's devised to shareit feels both dangerous and right. He must share this withFraser. For Ray, there really is no other choice.
//
His last night in L.A. and Ray is sittingin a bar that clearly prides itself on its rough-trade clientele.He likes the seediness of it simply because it amuses him. Thebad-ass factor is high and there is enough leather in the room tooutfit a third world country. He is not there to scope or bescoped, just needs air and a change of scene from the inside of acourt or his hotel room. Nothing in the bar moves or excites himeven a fraction as much as Fraser does, although there is a lotof prettiness on display.
He is on his second gin and tonic when hefeels someone sidle up to the bar beside him. A blond someone. A*very* blond someone. Several bottles of peroxide did their dutyfor the shade of hair sported by the man now next to him. //So, that's what 'white-blond' means//, he thinks as the man asks fora bourbon straight up, water back.
Ray can't stop himself and looks over atthe sound of the other man's voice. Cool accent. Sharper andharder than Ray's own. Clearly British. English. Ray's heard thataccent in old movies. *Cockney*, yeah. Ray's still not scopingand doesn't plan to be scoped, but the Cockney One *is* hot in apetulant, James Dean sort of way. Ray chuckles to himself atthat, wonders how many times in his own life that description'sbeen applied to him.
"Something funny?" Cockney's eyesare on him now, and Ray takes his time before answering. Hot,yes. Not hot enough to make Ray forget he's got Fraser waiting athome.
"No. You just ... remind me ofsomeone, that's all." Good Kowalski, he tells himself. Nice,steady "thanks but no thanks" tone.
Cockney rolls his eyes as he takes a sip ofhis drink. "Like I haven't fucking heard *that* onebefore."
Ray shrugs. *He* knows it's not a line, andthat's all that matters. He takes another sip of gin, thinks tohimself it would taste even better if it was on Fraser's skin.He's ready to go back to minding his own business, but he'sgotten Cockney's attention now.
"So." That accent's like a slapand Ray can't help but look back up. "Who do I remind *you*of?"
//
Ray begins swiveling his hips to thepercolating bass line sneaking out of his stereo. Dancing is theonly thing that takes his mind off the fact that Fraser hasn'tyet arrived, and it's been a long, long time since Black Box'sgotten a whirl in the CD player. He is deep into the chorus of"Everybody, Everybody" when a spin in the middle of thefloor reveals Fraser just ... watching him. The music is so loudhe didn't hear the knock and after all, that is why Fraser hashis own key.
//So fucking beautiful//, Ray thinks and hedoesn't even bother turning off the music before taking twoloping steps across the room to wrap himself around Ben. Frasersmells of soap, leather, cedar and something that Ray has givenup trying to name anything other than 'Fraser.' He feels thosestrong, Mountie fingers digging into his scalp and the only thinghe can think to do is moan his pleasure at it into Fraser'smouth.
"Missed you," he gets out whenthey come up for air, then he dives back in for another kissbefore Fraser can respond.
"I've missed you, too, Ray,"Fraser murmurs these words against Ray's neck, swipes his tonguealong the skin. He's tugging on the tee-shirt, pulling it free ofRay's pants and sliding his hands underneath.
"You hungry?" Ray says this as hepushes Fraser's jacket to the floor, starts working the belt andthen the buttons of the other man's jeans.
"Yes." Fraser's got the tee-shirtoff now, and goes to town on Ray's pants.
"Wanna get somethin' to eatfirst?" Fraser's penchant for button-down shirts wears Rayout at times like this.
"I didn't say I was hungry forfood." The gleaming wickedness of Fraser's smile makes Raylaugh. Yes. Being loved by this man is a good thing.
They get from the living room to thebedroom with surprising grace given the fact they're taking offone another's clothes. They fall onto the bed and Ray is*covered* by Fraser from head-to-toe and he knows no comforterwill *ever* feel this good. For several minutes, he luxuriates inthe sensation of Fraser cradling his cock and cupping his balls,and it almost distracts him from what he knows he has to do. Hearches wildly, catches Fraser by surprise, rolls them until he ison top.
Kissing again, they are kissing again andRay feels drunk with this. Fraser's touch, taste, scent. Thesight of him, the sounds he makes. Oh, Ray has learned the truebeauty of his senses thanks to Fraser and all five are even moreglorious to him now.
Ray slides down Fraser's body, stops whenhe reaches the cock. It is thick and heavy, swollen andbeautiful. Delicious, and Ray takes it in his mouth as far as itcan go. It is maddening to him and so very, very good to be doingthis again. He's missed this, missed Fraser and now that he ishome, he knows that what he must do is the right thing, and heknows, from the way Fraser kissed him, that his partner *will*understand.
Fraser's fingers dance in his hair and Rayhums around the cock in his mouth in response. This earns athrust and he hums again. When Fraser comes, he says Ray's name,over and over, the litany's usual lyrical quality made more so bythe fact of it as an expression of sheer pleasure.
Ray thinks -- for a moment -- that thisvocalization of how much joy Fraser takes in him should be enoughto tell him that it *is* right to proceed. Yet, he understandsthere are questions that have to be asked and answered. He movesback up Fraser's body carefully, caresses the pale skin as hegoes, smiles as he thinks of how much more quickly any bruiseswill heal after this night. He briefly wonders how long it wouldtake to bring Ben to another orgasm, stops himself with therealization that that tactic comes close to being unfair. Theremust be some choice of Fraser's in this, however little it maybe.
"I meant to ask how your trip was, but... I got distracted." Fraser's eyes are dark and shiny, hischeeks the palest pink. He runs his hands down Ray's sides, thenover his ass. Rests them there.
"Well, I can be distracting, when Iwant to be." Ray presses a kiss to Fraser's cheekbone. Theother man's skin is so warm and smooth and Ray ... checkshimself, brings himself back under control. //Not yet. Soon.//
"So. How *was* your trip?"
"Pretty cool. The jury took 45 minutesto convict and 30 minutes to impose multiple, maximum lifesentences with *no* possibility for parole." Ray traces theline of Fraser's eyebrow with his thumb.
"The good guys score a resoundingvictory. Excellent work, Ray."
"I was just a small part of it,Frase."
"You'll never be a *small* part ofanything, Ray." Fraser smiles as he says this, and Ray feelsit to the very soles of his feet. He smiles back. When he speakshis voice is as soft and gentle as he has ever heard it.
"Ben?"
"Yes?"
"Do you love me?"
There is not even a hint of hesitation."Yes."
"And you know I love you, right?"
Same rock-solid certainty. "Yes."A slight lift of one dark, perfect brow. "Is everything allright, Ray?"
"Everything's great Fraser. I just ...I just wanted to hear it and I wanted to remind you."
"Well, I do. I love you very much.I'll love you for the rest of my life." More certain thancertain, and Ray knows it is truth, pure and unadulterated.
//*That's* why you do it//, Ray tellshimself. //Not for ... fun. Not because you think someone's ...beautiful. For love. Only for that, and nothing less.//
Ray remembers everything he was taught, hasgone over it in his head hundreds of times since being told therules. How it works, how it goes. At least he was given thatmuch, and he is thankful for it. Fraser will have lots ofquestions, and he must be able to answer them all. There is onlyone thing left to do. Two things, actually. Later, they will sorteverything else out. Like they always have.
"Close your eyes, Ben."
Unquestioning obedience. They have taughteach other this in their time together, and Ray is gratefulthey've both learned so well. Gently, he kisses one, then theother of Fraser's eyelids, moves down to his neck, stops at thespot where he feels the rhythm of Fraser's pulse. He slides onehand under Fraser and into the small of his back. With the other,he cups Ben's head, inhales deeply, once. Then, he opens hismouth, presses newly sharper incisors to the flesh.
And bites.
Rich, thick, and tasting both bitter andsalty, Fraser's blood flows into Ray's mouth. He can *hear*Fraser's pulse, *feel* the pounding of the other man's heart asthe liquid covers his lips, teeth and tongue. Ray's in that alleyagain and an accented voice that seems even ... cooler now echoesin his mind.
/'Til the heart beats as slow as it can,then stop. You've gotta stop before the heart does. Otherwise,it's just another great *meal*./
Strong, Fraser is *so* strong and his heartactually speeds up at first. He bucks against Ray, unleashes asound halfway between growl and cry. For Ray, it is better thanany drug, sweeter than that gin would *ever* be and he is*reeling* from it, his cock aching to the point of pain. Thatvoice, again.
/You'll know when it's time to stop. It'llfeel like there's only one beat every...minute. It's kind of coolactually, like everything's in sloooooooow motion./
When Fraser stops thrashing beneath him andit does feel as though there is too long a time between beats,Ray lets go. He lifts his head and looks into Fraser's eyes.Unblinking and the pupils are so large the eyes seem black,rimmed with the barest hint of blue. Ray takes another breath.The harder part is now upon him and he knows it will kill him ifFraser refuses to take what he has to give.
"Ben?" He brings his other handup to cradle Fraser's face, turns the other man's head slightly."Listen to me, Ben. *You* have to drink now. From *me.* Doyou understand?"
Fraser blinks once, then again, beforeslowly nodding his head. Yes. He understands. This does notsurprise Ray. If there is anyone who *would* be non-plussed by atleast the *reality* of what Ray encountered and what he hasbecome, it's Fraser. But there is one more question that must beasked and answered before he can finish this.
"Ben, do you *want* to drink?"
In the silence that hangs at the end ofthat question, Ray flashes on moments from their time together: Ahug meant only as subterfuge that ended up mattering more thaneither of them anticipated. A dream-catcher soaring through theair; it was not meant to fly, but it does anyway. Underwater,Fraser coming back to him, feeding him air and life. Fraser,gorgeous in Huey's tux, leaning across Ray's desk for a kiss incollection of a debt. Fraser's steady hand on his neck andshoulder as he wept for Beth Botrelle's eight lost years.
He will die. Ray knows that he will die ifFraser says 'no.' There is no way he can continue to be what hehas become if he has to do it without Fraser by his side. But hewill not push. Will not plead. He will wait for Fraser's answer,as he knows Fraser would wait for his.
After a time that feels as though the wholenight has passed, Fraser looks him in the eyes and nods his headagain. Yes.
Relief and joy shoot through Ray and forseveral seconds, he can't remember how he's supposed to do this.Oh, yes.
/Probably the smartest way to go is to biteyour own wrist. It's not the most romantic, mind you, but it'seasier to pull away if you're turning someone strong./
And so Ray does. Opens the vein and offersit to Fraser, watches avidly as Fraser ... feeds. He can see, Raycan actually *see* the changes as Ben drinks. The skin becomes --remarkably -- smoother, practically unlined. Fraser's eyes arebright and glittery, deeply and impossibly *bluer* than theywere, and in spite of himself, and with not a little effort, Raypulls away.
The blood on Fraser's lips is tempting toRay, but before he can taste himself, Ben's tongue flicks out,cleans the rest away. Again, there is an almost disquietingsilence in the room, and Ray wonders, suddenly, madly, if hehasn't been a terrible fool. He hears that voice again, the onethat guided him through this, but it sounds harsher now, and heis surprised he took such comfort in it before.
/Too bad you can't stick around. We wouldhave had *great* fun, you and me./
He remembers lying in that alley as hispretty, bleached-blond, grim-faced 'benefactor' starts walkingaway from him, and it scares Ray to think that Fraser might feelany of the same stirrings of vague resentment he did.
/If you're ever in L.A. again, look me up.The name's Spike./
He is pulled out of that alley by the soundof Fraser saying his name. He has trouble meeting thosebluer-than-blue eyes.
"What have you...done, Ray?"Astonishingly, it is not accusatory. Curious, yes. Perhaps even... scared.
There is much to explain, Ray knows, but atthe moment, he can only think to answer with *why* it was done."Something so we can be together forever."
He forces himself to look at Fraser then,and what he sees on the other man's face tells him that yes, evenfor this, there will be forgiveness.
==
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------------------------------------------------------------------------"Will it fly?" "There's only one way to findout."